Why I’ve Been a Lifelong Student

My life has been full of twists and turns

I got my associate degree back in 1998 after a hellish few years of mental illness. I was working 80 to 90 hours a week in fast food, and my mental health was bad enough that I harmed myself constantly to feel more physical pain than mental pain. I wished I could have continued on at that time and gotten my undergrad degree, but I just couldn’t with the stress of family, work, and life.

For only having that associate degree, I had some really great jobs, but I ruined them all with my erratic behavior and my tendency to break down every few months. It eventually got to a point I couldn’t work at all, and I went on Social Security, where I stayed for many years. Once you get in the cycle its almost impossible to get out, and then you have things to deal with like stigma and huge gaps in your resume. I was lucky in that I stayed a freelancer the whole time I was on SSDI, so I kept gaining experience, but I was still never able to break free of social security and I couldn’t get a real job.

In 2016 I joined Ashford University’s Online course and soon was involved with the honors college. But I started too soon after a life-changing suicide attempt and couldn’t maintain the schedule of being a student. I was almost 50 years old, had no bachelor's degree, and hadn’t held a real job for 10+ years.

After I left Ashford, I started a few years later at SNHU, but in 2022 I had two heart attacks. I almost died but had a cardiologist in much the same league as Kobe was to basketball, and he fixed me with a stent. I now take medication but am healthier than I have been in years and am back at SNHU studying for my undergrad.

Fast-forward to now, and I have done huge amounts of work on myself and I finally see a light at the end of this mental health crisis. I feel better than I ever have, and I am starting to feel like a job might be good for me, but at my age, with my background, people aren’t lining up to hire me.

What did I do? I knew education was the key, and I am slowly investing myself in more projects. I don’t have a job yet, as with my delicate mental health, I want to make sure I get a good foothold on college before I try to work for someone else.

I am still studying at SNHU in the computer science department. I entertained the thought of going to ASU, but cannot afford it at this time, so I am taking advantage of every resource I have at my disposal to learn as much as I can.

My goal is to become a futurist, but I want to continue my college career through graduate school and then get a Ph.D. I would love to work in academia for a few years, maybe teach at the college level, do some research, consult, speak at events, and write a few papers and books. At 54, I am doing all the things that most people do young in life and enjoying every moment. I just have to hope that my physical and mental health will hold up for the long run because I can clearly see the next 30 years playing out before me.

The next ten years I am setting aside to catch up to everyone else, get my Ph.D., and build my body of work. 10 years of sweat and focus and I can see myself in a position where I am successful – professionally and financially.

I can see myself improving to a point where my mental state is more of a nuisance than a life-threatening emergency. Yes, unless medical science can cure mental illness (and I believe it will with the help of AI), I will always be sick in some way, but I don’t plan to let it rule my life anymore.

I will in some way always be a lifelong student. I always plan to be learning new things because I never want to get stagnant. For the majority of my life I put of my academic endeavors because I was sick, but I don’t plan to let that stop me anymore.