Too Many Balls
When I started this month, I thought I could do it. I thought I could do all my classwork (this is my last term), write in my blog, post weekly in two newsletters, run an online literary journal, and keep up with my family.
Then, I got the brilliant idea that I would do NaNoWriMo 2023. 50K words in the month of November? How hard could it be?
Then, recruiters started to call me about interviewing for teaching positions in China. I’m supposed to be going next year, but I didn’t know I should start sooner than later.
Then, martial bliss was shattered when my wife and I started fighting every day like cats and dogs. I was busy with work, and she was handling the family, including our 4-year-old autistic boy, and she just got a shot that was supposed to regulate her hormones. I should have known from last time that it would terrorize her system and she would take it out on me.
The first week went perfectly. 23K words completed in my memoir and I kept up with everything, including the modules assigned for my college courses. Then, I interviewed for a job, and they were so impressed, they offered me a job.
I took it.
I had already missed a Sunday writing, and here I was, on a high from my success and wanting to enjoy it. I took two more days off from NaNoWriMo, and then two more because the wife got around to getting angry at me from some offhand comment and totally ruining my motivation.
So, all a sudden, I was now behind, and it didn’t look like I was going to get back to writing my memoir any time soon. As the days went on and the bad blood between the wife and I got worse, I felt less and less like working, and more like procrastinating. Demotivation set in and I started feeling like a failure again.
Why do I always do this to myself?
I pile everything on, hoping somehow I will have the time to do all these impossible tasks, not even planning for the inevitable blow-out between my wife and I, or emergency projects coming up.
I always start juggling, never thinking that my arms will eventually get tired. Instead of getting one or two things done like a normal person, I opt to fail at getting a laundry list of things completed.
Thankfully, today rolled around. The wife and I made up in the morning, and I promised myself I would get caught up. The first thing I did was all my college work, because this is my last term, and I really want that Summa Cum Laude next month. Then, I needed to build a quick website (last minute), so I took a few hours and did that. Now I am attempting to catch up on my blog and two newsletters. If I have any steam left, I will do my 3000 words for NaNo.
I’m not holding my breath.
NaNoWriMo may be the first thing to go because it is the least important. It doesn’t make me any money, won’t help me graduate, and is a want and not a need. I’m hoping I can catch up this week, but if I don’t, I’ll make sure I do a great job on everything else that is due.
Another reason why I may let my memoir go by the wayside is my friend Mike is coming from China next week, and I will be busy with him. I can always work on my memoir slowly and get it done over the next few months. While NaNo is a great idea, it is not necessary to kill myself to complete it. Yeah, I bragged about it, but this is not the first or the last time I will ever have an egg on my face.
Will I ever do this to myself again? Probably, but I am going to try from now on to think realistically about the number of things I can get done in a month. It is just silly to keep doing this to myself when the alternative is a much better experience overall.
Let’s see how next month goes.
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Projects
The Personal Essayist – Online Literary Journal
The Last 10 Years of my life – My blog