My Son Has Autism and I Think It May Be My Fault
I can’t help but blame myself
A few weeks ago, we took my son to a developmental Pediatrician, because we were apprehensive for a long time that he was just a little different than other kids. He wasn’t learning as quickly, or talking much, he was sensitive to sound and light, would often bang his head with his hand, and just had some overall worrying behaviors.
We couldn’t take him out in public because he would scream and cry, and he needed constant supervision because he would constantly get into things that could be dangerous. He wasn’t developing a sense of what was right and wrong.
I told my wife that I thought he was autistic when he was around 2 years old.
Now, at three we finally know that he is, in fact, on the spectrum. We already have him set up for occupational and speech therapy. It’s as if, now that we are finally out of limbo, and we know for sure, we are finally getting him the help he needs to grow and thrive.
We always spent a lot of time talking to him, even if he didn’t understand. But, now, we are trying to make sure that we just don’t leave him to screens for his interaction. Don’t get me wrong, the videos have helped him, and some apps are really good, but we make sure he gets as much facetime as we can, even with our busy schedules.
We don’t want to leave his development up to YouTube.
I admit, when the doctor told us he had ASD, I felt guilty, because one of the predictors of autism is having a male parent who is advanced in age. I was 50 when Joey was conceived, and I can’t help but think that had a lot to do with it.
According to SpectrumNews.org, “Older men and women are more likely than young ones to have a child with autism, according to multiple studies published in the past decade. Especially when it comes to fathers, this parental-age effect is one of the most consistent findings in the epidemiology of autism.”
I didn’t know until that moment that my age could be a factor, and at first, I was gutted. In addition to all the mental health issues I have like psychosis, depression, and anxiety, along with my ADD that I could have passed on to him, now there is this.
How could I not feel guilty?
My wife and I hadn’t considered this when we decided to have another baby, even at my advanced age. It’s not that we exist with our heads under a rock, but as much time as I spend reading and learning about new things, I had never heard this.
But, as the weeks go by, I know it doesn’t help our situation to place blame, and right now all that energy spent on guilt needs to be used on Joey. We also still have a daughter who needs us too, even if she is more average as it relates to her brain.
Now is the time that my family needs to rally, and we need to start setting up routines that will benefit my son. We need to start thinking long-term.
In the spirit of thinking long-term, we have made another flip-flop. A few months ago, after my heart attack, we decided not to move from the Philippines to the USA, even if it meant I could get better healthcare and Medicare could have paid for it. We just could not see moving there with the climate in the States.
But, now we have to be concerned for Joey, and the fact is there are a lot better programs for autistic kids in the USA. As much as we are frankly scared of living in the racism and sexism and putting up with half the country being insane conservatives, we have to think about both Joey’s future and mine.
I love the Philippines, but some things are lacking here, and the costs of living are getting too expensive to ignore. We need to move to the States when there are programs to help my little boy.
So, the plan is to save for two years and give Joey time to mature so he could better tolerate the long trip over there. He will be five, and after a few years of therapy, he may be better able to handle the stress of moving that far.
We are nervous and scared, both about moving and about my son growing up with ASD. We still have not come to grips with the fact that my son is different, not bad, just different. He will need what other kids will not, and my family needs to prepare for that. We want to make his life as close to “normal” as possible, or a least give him the best childhood we can. We don’t want him to be entitled and spoiled because he is different, so we have to make sure we are constantly vigilant that we teach him the difference between right and wrong, good and bad.
We don’t know what the future will hold for Joey, but we want to make sure he has the best life possible and the tools he needs for a fulfilling and happy life.
I mean, isn’t that what we all want?