Maybe I’m Not Meant to Be Financially Successful?

I've seen more than my share of failure

Even though my wife often says I shouldn’t do it, I brag about how great a life I have when it comes to relationships and family. I’ve been known to brag about my sex life as well, because, well, I am a lucky man.

But one thing I cannot brag about is financial security. I have none. Because of my mental illness, I have been on disability for more than a decade. I have tried working and building a business online for the whole time, trying to replace that income, but my illness always comes back to haunt me and ruin the things I have worked so hard to build. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to making money, it always ends in failure.

But stubbornly, I keep trying. The only thing I’ve done that has stuck has been writing, but I can’t even make that pay enough to support my family. The thing is, I get a little momentum going and then fall down the rabbit hole of psychosis, depression, and anxiety, and have to disappear for weeks at a time. It’s a cycle that happens all the time, I have not been able to string together a good run at all.

I’ve left behind a string of projects, platforms, friends, and business partners, unable to keep my commitments and do what it takes to be successful. I’ve written on Medium, freelanced, started newsletters, YouTube channels, eCommerce stores, a forgot a hundred dead blogs.