I’ve Gotten to the Point Where I Need to Change My Life
This is a big year
When 2023 rolled around, I told a lot of people that this was MY YEAR. The word for this year was supposed to be “focus,” but the closer we get to the end of January, the more I realized that this year will be all about change.
I’ve spent my entire life dealing with a worsening mental illness and dealing with the fallout from that. Suicide attempts, self-harm, medication, hospitalizations, loss of family, divorce, and psychosis. It has been a constant struggle to keep my head above water, at the expense of my relationships, health, self-image, self-care, professional life, and personal goals.
Last year, I had two heart attacks, and I’ve been forced to make some changes, but I haven’t done it at the level that it is yet beneficial to me. Still, I improve.
I’ve started eating better. My mental health continues to get better and better, and although I don’t think I am in any way cured, I do feel like I’ve improved enough that I think I can increase my efforts to make my life better.
And even though I improve, I still flounder doing the same things over and over again, year after year, hoping that this year my life will change. Somehow, I will suddenly start making good money, I will lose weight and get healthy, and I will finish my degree – I think I will get everything I dream of without doing anything different than I have before.
I want a healthy and good-looking body.
I want to finally finish my degree.
I want to start training myself to start a business or return to freelancing that will finance my lifestyle and I won’t have to rely on disability anymore.
If I want to start making shit happen for me I have to do like Diamond Dallas Page (DDP) says and OWN IT. I must get started doing it immediately and stop making excuses. I have to continue when I want to quit, and I will want to quit soon because that is how my mind works.
I have pinpointed two things I want to start right now that will get me immediately started on creating a new life. For my body, I will start DDP Yoga, lose weight, gain muscle, and get healthy. For my mind, not only will I apply Dallas’s methods for getting things done, but I want to go back to college and get my degree in computer science.
Eventually, I want to work in AI, so there is other coursework I will need to pursue that will prepare me to work in this field.
Starting today, I will follow the DDP Yoga program for one year, relentlessly and obsessively, doing what I must do every day to get stuff done. DDP says I should write down my “why.”
Why did I start DDPY to own my life?
“Why am I starting DDPY now, at 54 years old and 250 pounds? You ask why I want to get healthy after having two heart attacks back-to-back and almost dying? You want to know why I want to say “fuck off” to my mental illness and stop the yo-yo of weight loss and gain? Why I want to change my life when I already have heart disease, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes? Why I think I can be successful when I have failed so many times before because I am autistic, have psychosis, depression, and anxiety, and fall victim to self-harm and suicidal ideation? Why I want to get off the disability train and support my family they way they deserve to be treated and not just accepting what we can afford? You ask why I want to have a heathy body and mind so I can work and create a professional career that will set my family and I up for success now and in the future?
I am starting DDPY now because everything I have done up until this point hasn’t worked. I am a failure at everything so far. I’ve wanted to get healthy, lose weight, gain muscle, and lessen my pain for a long time, and needed to get into a mindset where I can do the things I need to do to make money and earn a living from something that doesn’t involve disability. I know deep inside me there is a thin, muscular, and healthy winner, who can work and make money, and take care of his family.
Finally, I did it because after almost dying last year, I promised my wife and family that I would be around AT LEAST another 30 years.”
Right now, I am reading DDP’s book “Positively Unstoppable. The Art of Owning it” and have been taking notes and doing the exercises within. The first thing he asked besides my why? was what I would do if I knew I couldn’t fail. This is what I would do immediately:
“I would start learning everything I needed to start a business and be financially successful within a year. I would start working out and make plans to fix my fucked-up teeth. I would work harder every minute of every day to make the things I can dreams a reality.
I would remove the words “I can’t” from my vocabulary.
I would do everything it took to build a happy and fulfilling life for my family and I and I would start immediately.”
That is what I am doing.
What is it I want out of life? If I made a list of things I want or things I want to do before I do, this would be it:
Long life
Happy family
Happy wife, happy life
Money
Satisfaction/Fulfillment
Health
Good posture
A great body
Nice straight white teeth
A business
A degree
Recognition
Travel
It’s a long list, but there is always more I want. I could go on forever because I am a person who dreams big. When things were bad with my mental health, I always had dreams to escape to. I made promises to myself, and those promises are what kept me from death many times.
I am alive today because I was always positive that things would get better.
What do I have working against me? What are the health and mental problems that could make the journey to good health and success more difficult?
Diabetes
High Blood pressure
Mental illness
Autism
Heart disease
Neuropathy in my legs
Out of shape
Disordered eating
Advanced age – 54
Finally, DDP asks that we make a list of SMACKDOWN goals, meaning Specific, Measurable, Realistic, and Achievable, then Keep Going! Here are mine for the next year starting January 30, 2023:
I will do the DDPY program and lose 65 pounds of fat (while gaining muscle) in one year.
I will graduate from SNHU with a degree in computer science within 1½ years.
I will start and find success with a business within one year. Success means to me that I can replace my disability income and become debt-free and clear. My family will be able to live comfortably on what I earn from this business and not want for anything.
It sounds like I am trying to do too much, but I am operating under the premise that I cannot fail. If I own it and believe that I will not fail, I can do anything.
What I need this year is change, and this is how I plan to do it. It’s drastic, but every good thing I have in my life was due to one drastic decision or another.
There is more to this story so stay tuned and consider purchasing a paid membership, to help support me in my goals and plans.
Jason, after surviving two heart attacks (!) you can do anything you put your focus on. These are great healthy objectives that will also improve your physical and mental health. I am glad to hear about your new program!