How Do I Manage to Learn Everything I Need to Know to Be an Expert?
How do I climb this mountain?
When I think of the path I have chosen to take, I think of the mountain of knowledge I will need to absorb to call myself an expert. From my years of reading everything I can get my hands on, I know I am ahead of the game, but I think of all the books, and academic papers I have yet to read.
Am I up to the task?
Most people start their academic journey young, maybe after high school. I’ve been waiting my entire life, through crushing mental illness to finally get to a spot where I can finally get serious about learning and getting those degrees I have dreamed of. I spent so many years trying to make something of myself, but I couldn’t get past the psychosis, depression, and anxiety.
It's only been recently, after my heart attack, that I can say I am in a place where I can be serious because almost dying has shown me that I am not getting any younger, and If I want to make something of this life, and leave a legacy for my kids to follow, I better get busy soon.
Life waits for no one, and for a long time I felt like it had passed me by, and that my best years had disappeared in a blur of angst and blood. When I wasn’t trying to kill myself, I was cutting myself to ribbons, and so much of the years I should have spent succeeding in life I was dying inside.
I still don’t exactly know what I did to improve my mind enough that it will let me delve into becoming an expert in technology and artificial intelligence, but in the back of my mind, there is still the fear that all those demons will come back at the worst possible time and ruin everything. I have bet everything on being able to finally succeed, that if I don’t, I feel like this life I have been fighting for this entire time may be over.
I must succeed this time. There is no turning back or dropping out to go back to my former life. It is all or nothing, and if I fail, I fear I will have nothing left to be able to live anymore. This is my path. This is the road I must take if I am to finally be the person I’ve dreamed of being. This is the journey I must complete if I want to come out the other side a complete person for myself and my family.
I know this is drastic, but I cannot go through life hoping for a day when I can finally make something of myself. The day is here, and I must step up or step off. I must succeed for my family or die trying.
The great thing is that I feel bulletproof. I am so motivated to do this that I know there is no way I can fail. I will hurdle every roadblock in my way, and step up to each challenge knowing that right now I am the best version of myself. I am as good as I will ever be right now, so if I cannot accomplish what I want to do now, I never will.
So, as I take to the books, and I spend my time learning, I know I am doing what I must do at this point in my life. This is what all the warmup was leading to, and it’s time to show the hometown crowd that I can hit the homers and take the bases.
My mind is primed, and I am filling it with the information I need to be successful. I am not only taking college courses, but watching videos on YouTube, reading journals and articles, blogs, and taking independent courses. All I have to do is keep this up for a few years, and I can see myself breaking through to a place where all this information will finally click and make sense, where everything I have absorbed will come together into a cohesive plan of action for success.
Right now, it feels like a mountain, but if I put one foot in front of the other, I know I can reach the summit and finally see the promised land on the other side. Do you know what it is like to finally start something you have been dreaming of your entire life?
Scary. Exciting. Fulfilling.
I know when this long journey is underway, I will start to see the success I have only dreamed of up until this point and I am looking forward to it.
Jason, you are determined and nothing will hold you back! It’s inspiring to others.